Simple things.

I’ve got an amazing friend who has been heavy on my heart lately. We’ve been friends for nearly my entire life, and as is to be expected as we get older and build our lives nearly 1,000 miles apart, it’s been a few weeks since we’ve been able to catch each other and talk. We’ve swapped texts and other brief messages as we always do, but there’s nothing quite like hearing the sound of a friends voice as you swap stories of life and love.

Today we connected — albeit briefly — and I was filled with love and happiness and reminded just how blessed that I am to have people like her in my life. Over the course of our quick conversation she said to me, “… it seemed like I’ve had a lot of different friends over the years, and sometimes felt like I had no friends at all… but you were always my friend, and I think that’s how I made it through so well.”

The crazy thing about hearing this from one of my oldest friends is that earlier this morning, I shared nearly the exact same thought. It’s absolutely incredible to me how, in spite of years, many miles and always changing life circumstances, I’ve managed to find a group of wonderful people like this who remain constant… and that, even though we haven’t spoken in a few weeks (which really feels like forever), we still seem to be sharing similar thoughts and feelings.

After our quick chat, I couldn’t help but smile for the rest of my day. And I couldn’t help but say a few extra prayers of thanks.

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. Some last for a lifetime, and some only last for a while. Regardless, cherish the people you choose to let in your life… and hold those you decide to keep extra close. Tell them how much they mean to you, thank them for what they bring to your life, be there when they need you and tell them when they make you mad or hurt you.

If you keep your heart and mind open to it, you’ll learn something about yourself and others from each person you open yourself up to like this… and for what it’s worth, I think that’s pretty damn awesome.

15 things I wish my 18 year old self would have known.

For a number of reasons, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting over the past several weeks, and this piece has been a work in progress for a seemingly endless number of days now. Without sharing too much detail or background (and without really needing to), I’ve come up with this — a short start to a list of things I wish I had known sooner in life. Some of these would have served me well in high school, others are certainly better suited for my college self. And others are still things I find myself reflecting on and reminding myself of on a daily basis. Whatever you want to call it, I’ve had an overwhelming desire to share… 

1. Your parents are people too. They’re also full of wisdom and humor. Let them share what they know… at the end of the day, you don’t have to take their advice, but you’ll probably learn something really great about one or both of them that you didn’t know. Listen.

2. Mistakes will happen and no matter how bad they seem at the time, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, and it’s OK to ask for help from others. No matter what, just keep moving.

3. Men should not ever (EVER) define you. They can only do so if you let them.

4. Friendships change and grow. Sometimes you grow closer, and other times you grow apart. Both are good things and it’s important to embrace the change in these relationships. Just because you and a friend grow apart as you get older, that doesn’t discount the relationship you once had. Remember that.

5. There are different types of love. Recognize this, embrace the concept and appreciate ALL of the different types of love you have in your life.

6. It’s OK to say no. To taking on too much. To doing something you’re not ready for. To peer pressure… to whatever you feel like you need to say no to. You might feel embarrassed or unsure at the time, but it’s important to learn to trust your head and your heart. This will serve you well later in life.

7. Life really is short, and can change in an instant. This DOESN’T mean you’ve got a free pass to act like an idiot just because “you never know what’s right around the corner.” Embrace life and the people in it.

8. When you love someone, tell them. When someone makes you angry, tell them. When someone does something you appreciate, tell them. Say thank you and I love you too often. Really, just say what’s on your mind and say what you MEAN. Don’t leave things up for interpretation. It doesn’t usually end well.

9. Say yes more than you say no. It’s amazing what kind of opportunities open up in life when you just say yes.

10. Respect is a universal language.

11. Sometimes, slowing down is good. And necessary. Embrace this.

12. You cannot change and control everything. There’s chaos and total beauty in that. Own it, and know that sometimes you just have to let it go. 

13. People lie, and not everyone is always good. That doesn’t mean people are inherently bad, and trying to see and appreciate the best in people in life is much easier (and more fun, I think) than searching for the worst in people.

14. At some point in your life, someone you love is going to hurt you. Forgive them. Don’t forget what it taught you, but holding on to hurt and anger just continues to hurt you… and it’s exhausting.

15. Faith is an incredibly personal thing, and it’s OK to question where you stand as you grow and try to figure out who you are in life. Ask questions. Pray. Read. Ask more questions. Wherever you end up is your choice, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

 

Home.

I recently spent a week back at my parents place in Michigan for the Thanksgiving holiday. As I drove my over-packed little SUV into the sleepy town that I called home for so many years, I couldn’t help but be overcome with feelings of deep love and nostalgia… and unfamiliarity all at once. It’s strange, this quiet little town. Nothing ever seems to change, but each time I pull off of US-10, I can’t help but feel more like everything has, and that I’m no more than a guest in this town than someone who called this place home for nearly my entire life.

I knew this was inevitable, and I’m sure it’s something that’s been progressing for the many years that I’ve now lived away from my parents and the home that I grew up in. But this particular trip, it seemed that this thing — this feeling — had transitioned from something I knew would eventually happen to something that already had.

Maybe this transition that came to light in the middle of my cozy visit to my favorite little city by the bay because for the first time in I’m not even sure how many years, I feel like I’m starting to put roots down somewhere else… and entirely on my own. It’s a strange, and absolutely wonderful feeling at the same time.

The sleepy little town where many of those closest to my heart still reside will always hold a special place in my heart… I’m just not certain that I can call it “home” for much longer. The jury is still out on exactly how I feel about that.

Because sometimes, you can’t find the right words.

It’s been longer than I would like to admit since my last post. A crazy work and travel schedule is partly to blame… but sometimes, there just aren’t words to say what needs to be said.

The last two weeks has held too much loss for words. This is the best I can do at this moment in time…

A prayer for every. single. day…

Happy? Hold tight…

“Happiness will happen when you least expect it.”

These words are certainly not new to me. Especially as of late. I’ve been blessed with wonderful girlfriends who are willing to listen when I need someone to talk with, a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board when I feel like life has just thrown too much at me at once.

I recently had an amazing conversation with one of these wonderful women in my life and it really stuck — something that I thought was worth sharing. For anyone who hasn’t read previous posts, here’s a really quick and dirty rundown of what’s been happening lately. I moved (again) to a new city, solo this time. I started a new job (a brand new position with this company, which is the topic for a forthcoming blog post) and started dating again. None of this is bad news, per say, and for that I can say that I’m truly thankful. Still, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel entirely overwhelmed from time to time. Enter: fabulous friends to the rescue… and back to my point. I had recently been sharing stories of bad dates, work frustrations and just overall “whoa is me” frustration when my friend abruptly cut me off and told me to stop talking. While I don’t remember the EXACT words that came out of her mouth, she said something along the lines of:

“You’re trying too hard. You need to learn to just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. It’s not always easy and it’s going to be bumpy, but that’s part of life and you just need to relax and roll with it. Happiness really will find you when you least expect it.”

I’m sure that’s not the first time someone has said something like this to me — and it may not even be the last. This time, it’s stuck and I have continued to think about how the rest of our conversation unfolded that evening. She was exactly right. I’m wasting time and energy over-thinking, stressing and holding on to frustrations about things that I may or may not be able to change. I was so busy focusing on the things that seemed to be wrong with life that I had forgotten to look at what was good.

I moved not because I had to, but because I wanted to — and I was thankful for my family, friends and others who helped make it possible. THEY make me happy. And I was thankful for that job that sometimes causes me frustration but allowed me to move back to the city that I have fallen in love with (it only took three years and two separate stints living here). I’ve found tremendous happiness and comfort in new, and sometimes very unexpected friends. Maybe I haven’t found a love to share this ever-evolving life with as of yet, but that’s OK. Dating is frustrating, and scary and often a little awkward, but it’s also pretty cool and exciting and full of happiness, if you just give it a shot.

So for now, here’s to learning to relax and just roll with it. And to trusting that happiness will truly find me (and you) when we least expect it. There’s a lot of good… a lot of love and a lot of happiness right in front of you, if you only take the time to open your eyes and your heart to it.

What are you most thankful for?

Tell yourself everyday at least three things that you love about yourself. See what it does to your mental state, your mood and just your overall attitude and approach to life.

Think about all of the things you have to be thankful for, and not just all of the things your hurt by, angry about or discouraged by.

Try going an entire day without complaining  — not even about the weather or the empty coffee pot in the break room. Tough, right? It’s damn near impossible.

Making a conscious decision to look at the positive things in life – to focus on all of the good that surrounds us each day – is difficult, but will do amazing things for your overall well-being. I dare you to try it.

Today, I’m thankful for my family (even though I don’t always let them know it) and my friends. Life is busy and hectic and we get distracted and I’m blessed to have friends all over the country who still make the time to nurture relationships. I’m thankful for my job and all of the opportunity it provides, and for the beautiful apartment that I call home. It’s not my own, per say, but it’s cozy and safe and finally feels like home.

What are you most thankful for today?

 

Love yourself, and be in love with the life you live.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been someone who as done what she was supposed to and hasn’t stirred up trouble. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had fun and found my share of mischief (who hasn’t) but I’ve never felt like I’ve truly been able to just throw my reservations and fear of doing the wrong thing to the wind and just see what happens. I’ve also spent a lot of time lately feeling unsatisfied and restless… like something is missing in my life. I’ve spent even more time (and anger and tears) trying to figure out how to remedy those feelings.

 

I may never have all of the answers, and I’m sure I’ll continue to stumble as I try to sort through things. But here is my pledge to myself as I continue to try: stop doing what others say you should, and stop comparing where you are in your life with where you thought you would be or where others are. Stop worrying so much about doing the wrong thing and focus on finding and doing whatever it is that makes your heart sing with joy. Spend time and effort on those who love you and quit wasting time and tears on those who simply aren’t worth it. Have fun. Drink too much. Stay up to late. Date the wrong guys. Make mistakes and learn lessons. And above all else, love yourself and be in love with your life.

She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets

“She don’t hold onto nothin’ new for very long.
Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale — and then you’re gone.
‘Cause she once fell hard ’cause she dropped her guard
And no one gets to stay — it’s just too late.
For as much as she stumbled she’s runnin’, for as much as she runs she’s still here.
Always hoping to find something quicker than Heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear…”

“…know that everything happens for a reason.”