Simple things.

I’ve got an amazing friend who has been heavy on my heart lately. We’ve been friends for nearly my entire life, and as is to be expected as we get older and build our lives nearly 1,000 miles apart, it’s been a few weeks since we’ve been able to catch each other and talk. We’ve swapped texts and other brief messages as we always do, but there’s nothing quite like hearing the sound of a friends voice as you swap stories of life and love.

Today we connected — albeit briefly — and I was filled with love and happiness and reminded just how blessed that I am to have people like her in my life. Over the course of our quick conversation she said to me, “… it seemed like I’ve had a lot of different friends over the years, and sometimes felt like I had no friends at all… but you were always my friend, and I think that’s how I made it through so well.”

The crazy thing about hearing this from one of my oldest friends is that earlier this morning, I shared nearly the exact same thought. It’s absolutely incredible to me how, in spite of years, many miles and always changing life circumstances, I’ve managed to find a group of wonderful people like this who remain constant… and that, even though we haven’t spoken in a few weeks (which really feels like forever), we still seem to be sharing similar thoughts and feelings.

After our quick chat, I couldn’t help but smile for the rest of my day. And I couldn’t help but say a few extra prayers of thanks.

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. Some last for a lifetime, and some only last for a while. Regardless, cherish the people you choose to let in your life… and hold those you decide to keep extra close. Tell them how much they mean to you, thank them for what they bring to your life, be there when they need you and tell them when they make you mad or hurt you.

If you keep your heart and mind open to it, you’ll learn something about yourself and others from each person you open yourself up to like this… and for what it’s worth, I think that’s pretty damn awesome.

Bucket list.

Like most people, I’ve got a bucket list. Some things on my list are incredibly personal and things I’m not quite ready to share just yet. Some are just silly. Others still totally terrify me. Regardless, my list is an ever-evolving piece… but here’s a start:

• Skydive
• Get a tattoo
• Fall head over heels in love
• Visit every major league baseball stadium… and to be sure to visit as many of these with my dad as I can
• Get a puppy
• Brew a kick-ass batch of homebrew
• Run the Boston marathon
• Learn to play the drums
• Visit all 50 states
• Scuba dive
• Hike the Appalachian Trail
• Write a song
• Try grape stomping in Italy
• See Paris, tour Tuscany, Greece and Ireland
• See the ball drop on New Years Eve in Times Square
• Learn aerial silks
• Learn to throw pottery
• Learn to drive a stick shift
• Ride a mechanical bull
• Ride in a hot air balloon
• Road trip from coast to coast
• Take tap classes again
• Kiss in the rain
• Dance under the stars
• Start a non-profit
• Chair a volunteer committee
• Sit on a board for an organization that helps kids
• Learn to knit
• Go on vacation alone
• Drink margaritas on the beach in Mexico
• Learn to sail
• Learn to surf
• Ski in Switzerland

15 things I wish my 18 year old self would have known.

For a number of reasons, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting over the past several weeks, and this piece has been a work in progress for a seemingly endless number of days now. Without sharing too much detail or background (and without really needing to), I’ve come up with this — a short start to a list of things I wish I had known sooner in life. Some of these would have served me well in high school, others are certainly better suited for my college self. And others are still things I find myself reflecting on and reminding myself of on a daily basis. Whatever you want to call it, I’ve had an overwhelming desire to share… 

1. Your parents are people too. They’re also full of wisdom and humor. Let them share what they know… at the end of the day, you don’t have to take their advice, but you’ll probably learn something really great about one or both of them that you didn’t know. Listen.

2. Mistakes will happen and no matter how bad they seem at the time, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, and it’s OK to ask for help from others. No matter what, just keep moving.

3. Men should not ever (EVER) define you. They can only do so if you let them.

4. Friendships change and grow. Sometimes you grow closer, and other times you grow apart. Both are good things and it’s important to embrace the change in these relationships. Just because you and a friend grow apart as you get older, that doesn’t discount the relationship you once had. Remember that.

5. There are different types of love. Recognize this, embrace the concept and appreciate ALL of the different types of love you have in your life.

6. It’s OK to say no. To taking on too much. To doing something you’re not ready for. To peer pressure… to whatever you feel like you need to say no to. You might feel embarrassed or unsure at the time, but it’s important to learn to trust your head and your heart. This will serve you well later in life.

7. Life really is short, and can change in an instant. This DOESN’T mean you’ve got a free pass to act like an idiot just because “you never know what’s right around the corner.” Embrace life and the people in it.

8. When you love someone, tell them. When someone makes you angry, tell them. When someone does something you appreciate, tell them. Say thank you and I love you too often. Really, just say what’s on your mind and say what you MEAN. Don’t leave things up for interpretation. It doesn’t usually end well.

9. Say yes more than you say no. It’s amazing what kind of opportunities open up in life when you just say yes.

10. Respect is a universal language.

11. Sometimes, slowing down is good. And necessary. Embrace this.

12. You cannot change and control everything. There’s chaos and total beauty in that. Own it, and know that sometimes you just have to let it go. 

13. People lie, and not everyone is always good. That doesn’t mean people are inherently bad, and trying to see and appreciate the best in people in life is much easier (and more fun, I think) than searching for the worst in people.

14. At some point in your life, someone you love is going to hurt you. Forgive them. Don’t forget what it taught you, but holding on to hurt and anger just continues to hurt you… and it’s exhausting.

15. Faith is an incredibly personal thing, and it’s OK to question where you stand as you grow and try to figure out who you are in life. Ask questions. Pray. Read. Ask more questions. Wherever you end up is your choice, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

 

Reflection.

As I sit curled up with my coffee on this first day of 2014, I can’t help but reflect on all that happened in 2013. This past year has been quite a roller coaster ride that brought with it lots of laughter and love, new challenges and adventures and some terrible tragedy and heartbreak.

It simply amazes me, year after year, just how much can change in just twelve short months.

These past twelve months have taught me that I’ve got more strength and determination than I had ever realized or could have hoped for, and that I’m blessed beyond measure with beautiful friends who inspire me, challenge me and support me every day and in every way imaginable. I’ve realized that the only person who was holding me back from getting what I want was me, and that if I continue to underestimate myself, others will too. For the first time in many years, I feel completely comfortable in my own skin and totally confident in the direction my life is headed. This past year, I started new personal and professional adventure that have already proven to be far more than I had hoped for. I’m challenged, excited and surprised every single day and I couldn’t be more thankful for those who I get to share this journey with. I saw new love blossom and old love be challenged, grow and flourish beyond expectations, restoring my faith in lifelong love and the human spirit, in some ways. I celebrated with friends as they started families (or welcome second or third babies to the world) and have loved every chance that I’ve had to spend with them and their beautiful little boys and girls. Unfortunately, this past year I also cried with friends who have experienced unimaginable loss. The loss of a loved one, young or old, is never easy but the grace and strength I witnessed from friends and family during these difficult times was something that I still can’t seem to find the words for. I can, however, say that I’m incredibly blessed to have such strong, graceful and loving people in my life year after year.

Through all the ups and downs, the love and loss, perhaps the biggest takeaway from 2013 was this: to simply love with all that you have and trust completely that God has a wonderful plan in place for your life.

I may not know what his plan is or exactly how I’m supposed to get there, but I do know that 2014 is sure to be filled with many more new adventures, a lot of love, laughter and happiness and almost certainly some heartbreak. Whatever this year brings, I’m heading into this new year with an open mind, an open heart, faith that God’s leading me to where I’m supposed to be… and wonderful friends and family to share this crazy journey with.

Cheers to 2014!

Sara Bareilles – King Of Anything

This has been tumbling around in my head for several days now. Mostly because I really enjoy the song, but in the past few days, it’s taken on a bit more depth as I hear it.

“You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset?”

Seemingly appropriate (and insanely vague at the same time).

More to come in a later post, I promise.

A prayer for every. single. day…

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.

OK, I’ve got to be honest here. I get a lot of grief and questions about being single and living alone. Questions and concerns range from things like, “Why are you still single? What’s wrong?” and “Don’t worry, sweetie, you’ll find someone.” to “Are you sure you’re OK living alone? Don’t you get bored or lonely?” and “Don’t you worry about being safe?”

Let’s tackle some of these head on.

Yes, I’m still single and there’s nothing wrong with me. I have standards, and I don’t think that I should settle for anything less than I want and deserve simply to have someone to call my boyfriend (or husband). I’m OK with waiting, and dating some of the wrong guys, to find the right one. While we’re on that subject… yes, I still believe that there’s a “right guy” out there for me. I know he’s not going to be perfect — I’m not either. But I’m also a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and when the time is right, so I hold on to the hope that he’s out there somewhere, and that our paths will cross when the time is right. In the meantime, I’m going to keep reminding people that there’s not a single damn thing wrong with me because I’m still single at 27. This also — at least, in part, addresses the comments and concerns about me “not being worried” about finding someone — more on that in a later post, so stay tuned. 🙂

Now, to the living alone…

At first, living alone was hard. It was something I hadn’t ever really done before (aside from a very short stint that I was forced into — again, another post for another time). This time, living alone was entirely MY CHOICE. And guess what? I love it! I have my space, to do what I want, when I want and I don’t have to worry about interfering with others schedules or space. Don’t get me wrong, I also LOVED living with roommates (especially my Royal Oak ladies), and there’s certainly pros and cons to each situation. Here’s the thing: at this point in my life, this living situation was the one that made the most sense for me, and felt right. Please, concerned citizens, stop questioning MY life choices and worrying about the state of my well-being.
I PROMISE, there are much bigger issues that we should all be focused on (the new state of our healthcare system, or rates of human trafficking around the globe, for example?)

Here’s the thing — I’m independent. I work hard to support myself, and to be able to do the things that I want AND need to do. I pay my bills, I pay my taxes, I’ve started saving for a house and my retirement. I’ve covered the ‘independent adult’ bases, so to speak. I’M not worried about the rest falling in place — so why is it that so many others seem to be? I may not have a lot, but what I’ve got is mine. I’ve worked hard for it and I’m happy with what I have and where I am. Why can’t everyone else seem to be, too?

Life is funny sometimes

Life. It can be cold and cruel, overwhelming and incredibly beautiful. Sometimes in life, you’ll roll from one extreme to another (and through a seemingly endless variation of other ups and downs along the way), and sometimes you’ll find cruelty and amazing beauty acting in perfect harmony in one moment or series of events.

It’s funny how life works sometimes. How sometimes things that may seem so overwhelming or terrible at the time end up somehow blossoming into the most beautiful experiences, and how some of the most amazing moments I’ve encountered thus far in my life have somehow centered around some of the most painful experiences I’ve seen. It’s inspiring to see the strength and love in family and friends surface at exactly the moment when you need it most, but probably feel as though you least deserve it. And as I’ve gotten older, it’s been truly remarkable to see, feel and experience how something much larger than myself seems to guide us through the chaos that this world  and life seems to be.

It’s strange to look back at obstacles that have been overcome, maybe to see that things weren’t at all as bad as they may have seemed in that moment — or maybe that they were much worse than you had even realized at the time. It’s amazing to step back and look at how much things can change in just a few short months or years — and sometimes how things never seem to change at all.

There’s so much more that has been running through my mind that I want to tie in to this post, but I can’t seem to find the right words. With that, I’ll just leave this post as, “to be continued…”

Can ex’s be friends… and should they be?

My last serious boyfriend and I dated for six years. In that time, we experienced a lot of milestones and firsts together — college graduations, first jobs, promotions, second jobs, two major moves and some pretty heavy family and personal struggles.

After six years and so much history with him, I think it goes without saying that I was entirely devastated when we broke up. It took me a REALLY long time to get over that break up. I dated other people, but I was never really ready to open myself up to someone else so completely again. Until about a year ago. So what changed? When he and I broke up, we maintained contact. We lived in the same neighborhood (let me also add that we both lived 1500+ miles away from our families and most of our good friends) and had countless other personal and professional connections. Our breakup was messy and without getting into too many details, I’ll just say that while we both knew it was over, neither was willing (or able, really) to let it go. We kept seeing each other for months post-breakup and continued to be a shoulder for the other to lean on when they needed it.

After a few months of this up and down, back and forth craziness, I couldn’t take anymore. I stopped picking up the phone when he called, and didn’t return texts or emails. I felt like a little piece of my soul died every time I saw his name pop up on my computer screen or my cell phone, but I felt the exact same way each time I was with him, knowing that we were no longer together and that our feelings for one another had shifted. We didn’t see each other or speak for nearly three months (a momentous feat in such a small town). Another wrinkle in the situation: we had shared assets that we needed to figure out how to handle. Shared bank accounts, shared storage space and other items that we had acquired over the years that we had to sort through. As much as I didn’t want to, I HAD to see him at some point.

When I finally felt as though I had enough strength to sit through what was sure to be a lengthy conversation with my now ex (and once I knew my liver could again handle the excess amount of alcohol that would be necessary for this conversation, too), I finally picked up when he called and we made plans to meet up.

As I anticipated, our conversation was painful, incredibly lengthy and very, very drunk. The part of the conversation that I did NOT expect was when we both somehow decided that we wanted to try to be friends. (Looking back, I blame it on the multiple pints of delicious, dark beer — it gets me every single time). Both of us wanted to give it a shot, because through the hurt and confusion and anger, we still somehow cared for one another.

We continued to talk every now and again over the next several months and occasionally met after work for dinner or some drinks. At one point, I actually thought MAYBE we could make this friendship happen. Fast forward several months, countless conversations, some awkward encounters and a few major MAJOR fights and I had begun to question whether or not we could make this work… and moreover, why I wanted to. It was hard. It was painful and trying to maintain a friendship with my ex was making it almost impossible to completely get over the hurt and move on. I spent a lot of nights wide awake and thinking about countless questions. One seemed to always linger longer and ring louder than any other:

Can ex’s really be friends, and should they be?

If you truly care (or cared) for someone — especially someone that you were sleeping with — how does one simply push aside the romantic feelings that once existed to maintain a simply platonic relationship? Is it truly possible, or to many ex’s that maintain friendships simply mask those feelings that may still exist in some form? Can you ever move on and really invest your time and heart in someone new if you’re still holding on to a piece of a past relationship by maintaining a friendship with your ex? Is it fair to potential new partners? In trying to hold on to a friendship with an ex (or ex’s), are you being unfair to yourself?

Happy? Hold tight…

“Happiness will happen when you least expect it.”

These words are certainly not new to me. Especially as of late. I’ve been blessed with wonderful girlfriends who are willing to listen when I need someone to talk with, a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board when I feel like life has just thrown too much at me at once.

I recently had an amazing conversation with one of these wonderful women in my life and it really stuck — something that I thought was worth sharing. For anyone who hasn’t read previous posts, here’s a really quick and dirty rundown of what’s been happening lately. I moved (again) to a new city, solo this time. I started a new job (a brand new position with this company, which is the topic for a forthcoming blog post) and started dating again. None of this is bad news, per say, and for that I can say that I’m truly thankful. Still, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel entirely overwhelmed from time to time. Enter: fabulous friends to the rescue… and back to my point. I had recently been sharing stories of bad dates, work frustrations and just overall “whoa is me” frustration when my friend abruptly cut me off and told me to stop talking. While I don’t remember the EXACT words that came out of her mouth, she said something along the lines of:

“You’re trying too hard. You need to learn to just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. It’s not always easy and it’s going to be bumpy, but that’s part of life and you just need to relax and roll with it. Happiness really will find you when you least expect it.”

I’m sure that’s not the first time someone has said something like this to me — and it may not even be the last. This time, it’s stuck and I have continued to think about how the rest of our conversation unfolded that evening. She was exactly right. I’m wasting time and energy over-thinking, stressing and holding on to frustrations about things that I may or may not be able to change. I was so busy focusing on the things that seemed to be wrong with life that I had forgotten to look at what was good.

I moved not because I had to, but because I wanted to — and I was thankful for my family, friends and others who helped make it possible. THEY make me happy. And I was thankful for that job that sometimes causes me frustration but allowed me to move back to the city that I have fallen in love with (it only took three years and two separate stints living here). I’ve found tremendous happiness and comfort in new, and sometimes very unexpected friends. Maybe I haven’t found a love to share this ever-evolving life with as of yet, but that’s OK. Dating is frustrating, and scary and often a little awkward, but it’s also pretty cool and exciting and full of happiness, if you just give it a shot.

So for now, here’s to learning to relax and just roll with it. And to trusting that happiness will truly find me (and you) when we least expect it. There’s a lot of good… a lot of love and a lot of happiness right in front of you, if you only take the time to open your eyes and your heart to it.