Reflection.

As I sit curled up with my coffee on this first day of 2014, I can’t help but reflect on all that happened in 2013. This past year has been quite a roller coaster ride that brought with it lots of laughter and love, new challenges and adventures and some terrible tragedy and heartbreak.

It simply amazes me, year after year, just how much can change in just twelve short months.

These past twelve months have taught me that I’ve got more strength and determination than I had ever realized or could have hoped for, and that I’m blessed beyond measure with beautiful friends who inspire me, challenge me and support me every day and in every way imaginable. I’ve realized that the only person who was holding me back from getting what I want was me, and that if I continue to underestimate myself, others will too. For the first time in many years, I feel completely comfortable in my own skin and totally confident in the direction my life is headed. This past year, I started new personal and professional adventure that have already proven to be far more than I had hoped for. I’m challenged, excited and surprised every single day and I couldn’t be more thankful for those who I get to share this journey with. I saw new love blossom and old love be challenged, grow and flourish beyond expectations, restoring my faith in lifelong love and the human spirit, in some ways. I celebrated with friends as they started families (or welcome second or third babies to the world) and have loved every chance that I’ve had to spend with them and their beautiful little boys and girls. Unfortunately, this past year I also cried with friends who have experienced unimaginable loss. The loss of a loved one, young or old, is never easy but the grace and strength I witnessed from friends and family during these difficult times was something that I still can’t seem to find the words for. I can, however, say that I’m incredibly blessed to have such strong, graceful and loving people in my life year after year.

Through all the ups and downs, the love and loss, perhaps the biggest takeaway from 2013 was this: to simply love with all that you have and trust completely that God has a wonderful plan in place for your life.

I may not know what his plan is or exactly how I’m supposed to get there, but I do know that 2014 is sure to be filled with many more new adventures, a lot of love, laughter and happiness and almost certainly some heartbreak. Whatever this year brings, I’m heading into this new year with an open mind, an open heart, faith that God’s leading me to where I’m supposed to be… and wonderful friends and family to share this crazy journey with.

Cheers to 2014!

Home.

I recently spent a week back at my parents place in Michigan for the Thanksgiving holiday. As I drove my over-packed little SUV into the sleepy town that I called home for so many years, I couldn’t help but be overcome with feelings of deep love and nostalgia… and unfamiliarity all at once. It’s strange, this quiet little town. Nothing ever seems to change, but each time I pull off of US-10, I can’t help but feel more like everything has, and that I’m no more than a guest in this town than someone who called this place home for nearly my entire life.

I knew this was inevitable, and I’m sure it’s something that’s been progressing for the many years that I’ve now lived away from my parents and the home that I grew up in. But this particular trip, it seemed that this thing — this feeling — had transitioned from something I knew would eventually happen to something that already had.

Maybe this transition that came to light in the middle of my cozy visit to my favorite little city by the bay because for the first time in I’m not even sure how many years, I feel like I’m starting to put roots down somewhere else… and entirely on my own. It’s a strange, and absolutely wonderful feeling at the same time.

The sleepy little town where many of those closest to my heart still reside will always hold a special place in my heart… I’m just not certain that I can call it “home” for much longer. The jury is still out on exactly how I feel about that.

Because sometimes, you can’t find the right words.

It’s been longer than I would like to admit since my last post. A crazy work and travel schedule is partly to blame… but sometimes, there just aren’t words to say what needs to be said.

The last two weeks has held too much loss for words. This is the best I can do at this moment in time…

A prayer for every. single. day…

Life is funny sometimes

Life. It can be cold and cruel, overwhelming and incredibly beautiful. Sometimes in life, you’ll roll from one extreme to another (and through a seemingly endless variation of other ups and downs along the way), and sometimes you’ll find cruelty and amazing beauty acting in perfect harmony in one moment or series of events.

It’s funny how life works sometimes. How sometimes things that may seem so overwhelming or terrible at the time end up somehow blossoming into the most beautiful experiences, and how some of the most amazing moments I’ve encountered thus far in my life have somehow centered around some of the most painful experiences I’ve seen. It’s inspiring to see the strength and love in family and friends surface at exactly the moment when you need it most, but probably feel as though you least deserve it. And as I’ve gotten older, it’s been truly remarkable to see, feel and experience how something much larger than myself seems to guide us through the chaos that this world  and life seems to be.

It’s strange to look back at obstacles that have been overcome, maybe to see that things weren’t at all as bad as they may have seemed in that moment — or maybe that they were much worse than you had even realized at the time. It’s amazing to step back and look at how much things can change in just a few short months or years — and sometimes how things never seem to change at all.

There’s so much more that has been running through my mind that I want to tie in to this post, but I can’t seem to find the right words. With that, I’ll just leave this post as, “to be continued…”

Happy? Hold tight…

“Happiness will happen when you least expect it.”

These words are certainly not new to me. Especially as of late. I’ve been blessed with wonderful girlfriends who are willing to listen when I need someone to talk with, a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board when I feel like life has just thrown too much at me at once.

I recently had an amazing conversation with one of these wonderful women in my life and it really stuck — something that I thought was worth sharing. For anyone who hasn’t read previous posts, here’s a really quick and dirty rundown of what’s been happening lately. I moved (again) to a new city, solo this time. I started a new job (a brand new position with this company, which is the topic for a forthcoming blog post) and started dating again. None of this is bad news, per say, and for that I can say that I’m truly thankful. Still, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel entirely overwhelmed from time to time. Enter: fabulous friends to the rescue… and back to my point. I had recently been sharing stories of bad dates, work frustrations and just overall “whoa is me” frustration when my friend abruptly cut me off and told me to stop talking. While I don’t remember the EXACT words that came out of her mouth, she said something along the lines of:

“You’re trying too hard. You need to learn to just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. It’s not always easy and it’s going to be bumpy, but that’s part of life and you just need to relax and roll with it. Happiness really will find you when you least expect it.”

I’m sure that’s not the first time someone has said something like this to me — and it may not even be the last. This time, it’s stuck and I have continued to think about how the rest of our conversation unfolded that evening. She was exactly right. I’m wasting time and energy over-thinking, stressing and holding on to frustrations about things that I may or may not be able to change. I was so busy focusing on the things that seemed to be wrong with life that I had forgotten to look at what was good.

I moved not because I had to, but because I wanted to — and I was thankful for my family, friends and others who helped make it possible. THEY make me happy. And I was thankful for that job that sometimes causes me frustration but allowed me to move back to the city that I have fallen in love with (it only took three years and two separate stints living here). I’ve found tremendous happiness and comfort in new, and sometimes very unexpected friends. Maybe I haven’t found a love to share this ever-evolving life with as of yet, but that’s OK. Dating is frustrating, and scary and often a little awkward, but it’s also pretty cool and exciting and full of happiness, if you just give it a shot.

So for now, here’s to learning to relax and just roll with it. And to trusting that happiness will truly find me (and you) when we least expect it. There’s a lot of good… a lot of love and a lot of happiness right in front of you, if you only take the time to open your eyes and your heart to it.

What are you most thankful for?

Tell yourself everyday at least three things that you love about yourself. See what it does to your mental state, your mood and just your overall attitude and approach to life.

Think about all of the things you have to be thankful for, and not just all of the things your hurt by, angry about or discouraged by.

Try going an entire day without complaining  — not even about the weather or the empty coffee pot in the break room. Tough, right? It’s damn near impossible.

Making a conscious decision to look at the positive things in life – to focus on all of the good that surrounds us each day – is difficult, but will do amazing things for your overall well-being. I dare you to try it.

Today, I’m thankful for my family (even though I don’t always let them know it) and my friends. Life is busy and hectic and we get distracted and I’m blessed to have friends all over the country who still make the time to nurture relationships. I’m thankful for my job and all of the opportunity it provides, and for the beautiful apartment that I call home. It’s not my own, per say, but it’s cozy and safe and finally feels like home.

What are you most thankful for today?