I’m 27 and single. Yes, I’m dating but no one exclusively and certainly no one seriously. I don’t have any kids, and some days I’m unsure whether kids are totally in the cards for me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to get married and have kids, but as I’ve grown, moved and explored my independent adult life (while simultaneously learning first-hand just how sad and cruel this world can be sometimes), I’ve started to question myself.
Have I always wanted kids and marriage because that’s truly what I’ve wanted, or have I wanted babies and a husband because that’s what everyone expects and is the seemingly natural progression in life?
Don’t misunderstand – there are certainly days when I look at my married friends and dream of what my life might be like if I, too, were married. Or had kids. And then my reality comes back to light. Yes, I get lonely sometimes and wish I had more single friends (especially after a recent move to a new city, where my social circle was very, very small – and mostly married), but in my late twenties I’m also trying to embrace the freedom and excitement that this single time in my life brings. For the first time since college, I have the ability and the financial means to do as I please. A weekend in Vegas? Sure, I can make that happen. Too many margaritas with friends on a Tuesday night? Sure, that sounds good, too.
Here’s the frustration, though: friends and family seem to always ask (usually following questions, and sometimes, some gushing about how ‘carefree’ and ‘casual’ or ‘party-like’ my life may seem), “When are you going to settle down and get married?” or “Have you thought about online dating – you really deserve to find someone great.” Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore my friends and am so pleased to see so many of them have found wonderful husbands and wives and have started beautiful families – I have to be honest though, questions like those make me feel like I’m broken or doing something wrong. They make me feel like I’m somehow not worthy.
Why does this have to be the case? At this moment in my life, I haven’t decided whether or not kids and a husband are in the cards for me. Maybe the husband is, but kids aren’t. Maybe it’s the other way around.
Let me ask you this: If my journey is meant to be mine alone, is there anything wrong with that? What if I’m meant to work hard (maybe open my own business like I’ve always wanted), travel around the globe and simply enjoy this life and all the beauty it has to offer without a husband or babies?
Why is it that we seem to have come so far with acceptance for those who choose alternative lifestyles (religiously, sexually, or otherwise), yet somehow those (especially women) who decide that a ring and white picket fence may not be for them are still somehow looked at as less than, or broken?
Hey world, do me a favor: Don’t look at me with sad eyes the next time you ask if I’ve found a boyfriend yet and my reply is a quick, and often perky, “Nope!” or when you ask when I’m having babies and I say something along the lines of, “When your babies are old enough to babysit mine… if I ever decide that’s right.”
Every journey is unique. I’m not broken, and I’m just trying to enjoy this phase of mine as much as I can at this point. When did that become so seemingly wrong?
Life & Love 